What Triggers You?

Part 2: The Exhausting Pursuit of "Good Enough" — Jake's Story
What happens when the need to be "good enough" becomes a pursuit of being good?
In Part 2 of this What Triggers You? series, I sit down with Jake, a neurodivergent man whose experiences of being misunderstood, criticized, and judged fueled a powerful need to prove himself and find acceptance.
For Jake, that search eventually became intertwined with religion. Being a "good Christian" offered what seemed like a path toward certainty, belonging, approval, and perhaps even perfection. If he could believe correctly, behave correctly, and be good enough, maybe he could finally feel safe from judgment.
But perfection proved impossible. And the neurodivergent traits others misunderstood or judged didn't disappear simply because he tried harder.
Jake's journey eventually led him away from the pursuit of religious perfection and toward questioning, skepticism, and a different understanding of himself.
Although Jake and Michelle's stories look very different on the surface, the trigger underneath them is remarkably similar: the pain of being judged, doubted, criticized, or misunderstood and the exhausting urge to prove your worth to someone else.
Timestamps:00:00 Intro01:00 Meet Jake01:30 Growing up Christian and autistic, the "double whammy"04:00 Losing himself in 20-25 years of faith05:00 Why black-and-white doctrine clashes with autistic thinking09:00 27,000 denominations: the search for "the right one"13:00 Raised to defend the faith, not just believe it16:00 Feeling like you're never "enough" for God18:30 The Harry Potter/Gethsemane parallel hearing from God23:00 A friend's contradiction: validated, then dismissed26:30 Is it Christianity, or is it Christians?29:00 Being told to "own" other people's judgment of him31:30 The eye-rolling incident and being falsely accused35:00 Masking as an autistic trait and its cost36:00 Wrestling with nihilism and self-worth38:00 His name, "Jacob," deceiver and beloved40:00 Masking at work and in daily life41:00 Stacy reflects on what masking really costs neurodivergent people43:00 Trying to "earn" acceptance through being a good Christian46:00 The real trigger: not being accepted for who he is47:30 Prince Zuko and the fight over which self to become50:00 The healing journey: self-worth independent of others' reactions52:00 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria53:30 Jake's closing reflection55:00 Message to neurodivergent listeners and to Christians

What happens when you grow up learning that other people’s opinions might determine what you’re capable of?
In Part 1 of this two-part What Triggers You? series, I sit down with Michelle, whose learning disability in math led others to underestimate her from an early age. She was told there were things she simply wouldn’t accomplish in college, a successful career, or the kind of life she ultimately went on to build for herself.
Michelle proved them wrong. But proving people wrong became part of the story.
Today, judgment, criticism, rejection, and even the perception that someone doubts her can still activate something much deeper: Am I good enough? Do you believe in me? Do I need to prove myself to you?
We explore how being underestimated can shape the nervous system long after the original experience has passed and how achievement doesn’t necessarily erase the wounds created by years of feeling judged or inadequate.
Michelle’s story reminds us that sometimes the trigger isn’t simply criticism. It’s what criticism awakens: the old fear that maybe everyone who doubted us was right.
Part 2 of this conversation releases in two weeks; subscribe so you don't miss it.
Timestamps:00:00 Intro01:00 Meet Michelle.01:30 Michelle's triggers: disability, being underestimated03:00 What being triggered feels like for her04:00 Being told "you'll never go to college"07:00 Reframing math: what "success" actually requires08:30 "You don't look disabled." Invisible disabilities and shame10:00 Michelle's career: becoming the support she needed13:00 Going back to university, proving it to herself15:00 How her parents nurtured her strengths early on17:00 Reading and writing as an outlet growing up18:00 Present-day triggers: sneaky criticism and feeling unheard20:00 Why invisible disabilities get judged as "laziness"21:00 The shame of being told she wasn't trying hard enough24:00 Learning to pause instead of over-explaining27:00 Rewiring the nervous system through exposure32:00 Why judging a child's future by their current struggles is a mistake35:00 When people are unkind: self-doubt and needing approval38:00 Holding two truths: feeling bad and it still being okay40:00 Talking to your younger self41:30 Dr. Ross Greene: "Kids do well when they can."44:00 Michelle's message and closing thoughts

In this episode of What Triggers You?, I sit down with “Jeremy,” an anonymous guest whose story reveals how the loss of a parent in early childhood can continue to shape relationships decades later.
Jeremy experienced profound loss before he had the emotional capacity to understand or process what had happened. What followed were attachment wounds that quietly influenced the way he moved through life: fear of change, fear of getting too close, fear of vulnerability, and perhaps most powerfully, the fear that loving someone deeply meant risking losing them.
Over time, protecting himself from loss also meant protecting himself from connection.
Jeremy shares openly about reaching a point in his life where he can see how unresolved childhood trauma contributed to never finding the deep, lasting relationship he wanted. His story is a powerful reminder that trauma doesn't always look like crisis or dysfunction. Sometimes it looks like independence. Avoidance. Staying guarded. Walking away when things become too real. Or convincing ourselves we simply haven't met the “right” person.
We talk about childhood grief, attachment, fear of intimacy, and the ways our nervous system can continue trying to protect us from an experience that happened decades ago.
Most importantly, Jeremy has a message for others: don't wait to address the trauma that is keeping you from the life and relationships you want.
Avoiding connection may protect us from the possibility of loss, but it can also cost us the experience of being deeply known, deeply connected, and deeply loved.

In this powerful episode of What Triggers You?, Stacy Pellettieri sits down with Mary Beth O'Connor—author of From Junkie to Judge and retired federal Administrative Law Judge to explore the profound connection between childhood trauma, addiction, OCD, and nervous system healing.
After enduring years of childhood abuse and neglect, Mary Beth turned to methamphetamine as a way to numb emotional pain her nervous system was never equipped to process. But getting sober wasn't the hardest part. The real challenge began when the numbing stopped.
Together, Stacy and Mary Beth unpack what happens when buried emotions finally surface, why trauma leaves the brain and body stuck in survival mode, and how hypervigilance, anxiety, and even obsessive-compulsive behaviors can emerge as desperate attempts to regain a sense of safety and control.
Mary Beth shares her deeply personal journey through recovery, explaining how therapy helped her learn to tolerate emotional distress rather than escape it, gradually rewiring patterns that had been in place since childhood. Although triggers still arise today, she has developed the awareness and tools to recognize what is happening internally, regulate her nervous system, and let those moments pass without returning to addiction.
This conversation is a powerful reminder that healing isn't about eliminating triggers—it's about changing your relationship with them.
About Mary Beth O'Connor
Mary Beth O'Connor has been in recovery from methamphetamine addiction since 1994. She is also a survivor of childhood trauma and anxiety. Her award-winning memoir, From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction, chronicles her remarkable journey from addiction to becoming a federal Administrative Law Judge. Today, she is a national advocate for trauma-informed, evidence-based recovery and serves on the boards of several recovery organizations while educating professionals and the public about the many pathways to healing.
Learn more about Mary Beth:
Book: From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction
Website: junkietojudge.com
X: @MaryBethO_
Bluesky: @marybethoconnor
LinkedIn: Mary Beth O'Connor
  
Mary Beth O'Connor
From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction
junkietojudge.com
X/Twitter: @MaryBethO_
Bluesky: marybethoconnor
Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-beth-o-connor-8aaa4b121/

Why do old traumas sometimes come rushing back when life takes an unexpected turn? Why can pressure, illness, or uncertainty trigger emotional patterns that quietly shape the way we think, lead, and make decisions?
In Episode 5 of What Triggers You?, Stacy Pellettieri speaks with keynote speaker, executive coach, healthcare leadership strategist, and two-time cancer survivor Savio P. Clemente about trauma, emotional triggers, clarity, and resilience. What begins as a conversation about healthcare leadership opens into something much deeper: repeat trauma, burnout, identity, grief, uncertainty, somatic awareness, and what it truly means to heal.
Together, Stacy and Savio explore why clarity often breaks down before performance does, how unresolved trauma can quietly influence our decisions, and why healthcare professionals are especially vulnerable to emotional overload. Through the story of a physician whose son's cancer diagnosis reactivated his own childhood trauma, they examine how old wounds can resurface unexpectedly and affect every aspect of our lives.
Savio also shares his personal journey as a two-time cancer survivor, reflecting on how facing cancer for a second time reshaped his understanding of resilience. Stacy connects his story to trauma therapy, exploring repeat trauma, countertransference, and why our bodies often recognize emotional danger before our minds do. Together, they discuss the importance of stillness, self-awareness, acceptance, and learning to tolerate uncertainty instead of trying to control it.
This episode is about more than resilience. It is about understanding how trauma can continue to shape our lives long after the original event, recognizing the emotional triggers underneath our reactions, and discovering that healing begins not with certainty, but with greater clarity, compassion, and the courage to keep moving forward.
If this episode resonates, subscribe and share it with someone who may need it.
For more information or to apply to be on the show, visit whattriggersyou.com. For more information on our guest, visit saviopclemente.com.

Why can becoming a mother feel so overwhelming, even when it's something you've always wanted? Why do so many women struggle with guilt, perfectionism, identity loss, and the pressure to do everything "right," often at the expense of themselves?
In Episode 4 of What Triggers You?, Stacy Pellettieri speaks with licensed clinical social worker Emma Bennett, who specializes in supporting new and expecting mothers through pregnancy, postpartum adjustment, and the transition into motherhood. What begins as a conversation about maternal mental health opens into something much deeper: mom guilt, perfectionism, childhood wounds, identity shifts, self-compassion, generational expectations, and the emotional patterns that motherhood can bring to the surface.
Together, Stacy and Emma explore why so many mothers lose touch with themselves after having children, why taking time for yourself can feel so uncomfortable, how perfectionism often develops long before motherhood begins, and why becoming a parent can reactivate unresolved childhood experiences. They also discuss the importance of self-compassion, embracing imperfection, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and reconnecting with who you are as both an individual and a parent.
This episode is for anyone navigating pregnancy, postpartum, motherhood, mom guilt, anxiety, perfectionism, or the challenge of balancing caring for others while learning to care for yourself. It is about understanding how motherhood can trigger deeper emotional patterns, recognizing where those patterns come from, and creating a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself and your family.
If this episode resonates, subscribe and share it with someone who may need it.
For more information or to apply to be on the show, visit whattriggersyou.com. For more information on our guest, visit therapyfornewmoms.com.

Why can intimacy become such a powerful trigger in long-term relationships? Why can conversations about sex, desire, and emotional needs bring up shame, disconnection, fear, or shutdown, even when love is still there?
In Episode 3 of What Triggers You?, Stacy Pellettieri speaks with Canadian sexologist Dr. Trina Read about how intimacy can trigger deeper emotional patterns in long-term relationships. What begins as a conversation about women’s desire opens into something much deeper: shame, emotional safety, fear of rejection, communication breakdowns, trauma responses, menopause, painful sex, and the ways people disconnect from themselves and each other over time.
Together, Stacy and Dr. Trina explore why so many women struggle to ask for what they want, why sex and intimacy can become triggering instead of connecting, how shame gets carried for years, and why emotional and sensual safety matter so much in the bedroom and beyond. They also discuss how unresolved pain can show up as avoidance, resentment, pressure, or shutdown, and why intimacy outside the bedroom is often essential to healing what happens within it.
This episode is for anyone navigating intimacy issues, sexual shame, low desire, emotional disconnection, or repeating relationship patterns. It is about understanding how intimacy can trigger deeper wounds, recognizing the emotional patterns underneath those reactions, and beginning to create more safety, honesty, and connection in long-term relationships.
If this episode resonates, subscribe and share it with someone who may need it.
For more information or to apply to be on the show, visit whattriggersyou.com. For more information on our guest, visit drtrinaread.com.

Why do world events trigger such intense emotional reactions—and why can they feel so personal?
In Episode 2 of What Triggers You?, Stacy Pellettieri speaks with an anonymous guest about the overwhelming emotions sparked by today’s political and social climate. What begins as frustration with “what’s happening in the world” quickly reveals something deeper: a lifelong pattern of people-pleasing, fear of conflict, and a powerful need to feel safe.
As the conversation unfolds, they explore how childhood experiences—especially growing up in an unpredictable environment—can shape how we respond to disagreement, loss, and lack of control as adults. From the concept of the “parentified child” to the tension between staying true to your values and keeping the peace, this episode connects the dots between past and present in a deeply human way.
This episode is about understanding where your triggers come from, learning to recognize the different parts of yourself, and beginning to show up authentically, without fear, and without losing yourself.

In Episode 1 of What Triggers You?, Stacy Pelletieri speaks with Rebecca M. about why feedback at work can trigger panic, shame, and a spiral of self-judgment. As the conversation unfolds, they trace that reaction back to older beliefs about being “good,” staying safe, and carrying emotional responsibility for others. Together, they explore what happens when ordinary moments activate a trauma response, and how awareness can begin to create a different path.